Let’s Talk about Hoarding, what’s it all about really?
by Kim Eagles CD Specialist- NSGCD
I just finished watching Oprah and the topic of the day was hoarding, in all its retched glory. I found myself fascinated by this show and my heart breaking for those living in this condition. As a Professional Organizer I have seen this stuff in real life, and let me tell you it is REAL, I don’t know how many people live like this, but there are more than you can imagine living in various degrees of this cluttered existence. In my small city of Moncton I have seen my fair share. You may even be one yourself, if so, you are NOT alone!
Why would someone live like this?
How did they let it get so bad?
Can’t they see how disgusting it is?
Why don’t they just clean it up for Pete’s sake?
These may be thoughts that go through your mind if you are on the outside looking in. We are quick to judge things that we cannot relate to or ever imagine living in, but can you for just a little bit try to empathize with those families that are dealing with this, instead of judging.
Most who are living this life already know- as Linda states in the Oprah show how Ugly and Horrid it is. They live daily with the embarrassment and humiliation of not being able to function in their own homes, not being able to ever have anyone over and having NO idea how to stop it.
What is the cause of Hoarding, how do you get to the point where your stuff has taken over you space? Well on the show, Dr. David Tolin gave a few hints to the answer to this. It is a mental illness, an Obsessive Compulsive disorder, an addiction. But whatever the technical terms you want to use it boils down to this- it’s REAL, it’s not about being messy(that is just a symptom) and It’s Affecting a lot of lives. Several of the women on the show state that a major ‘trigger’ for them was the loss of their father, the loss of a ground force in their life.
What can you do, if you think you are a hoarder, is it just about cleaning up you home?
Peter Walsh gave the best insight into this on the show, that there is an underlying cause of the hoarding, just like an addiction, you have to get to the root cause of the hoarding before there can be change and until you start talking about these root causes like loneliness, boredom, and whatever else is a trigger then you will never make the change needed.
In my opinion, he is so correct, when Oprah’s crew was visiting Linda a year and a half After The A & E Hoarders show she was featured on, we could all see the signs of backsliding. She can be defensive and come up with reasons and excuses all she wants but from the outside looking in, she was on her way back to where she started. As Peter said, until she replaces that boredom and loneliness with something else that gives her what she needs in life, then she will continue to slowly move backwards. I was so inspired by her stating she was heading back to school- what courage she has to move forward and to fill the void by doing something instead of buying something. Bravo to her!
My heart goes out to the children living in this situation, we all know from lots of studies that children learn what they live. Dr. David Tolin summed it up by stating that children ‘growing up in this environment leaves a scar, Children of hoarders are PROFOUNDLY affected by their environment’. Is it any different than living in an abusive environment?
On the show Jennifer and Ron took action when they were at risk of losing their kids; that says to me that even he authorities view it as a threat to kids lives. What is in store for these kids as they grow up, my tears started early on in the show when a young boy was running down the driveway upset that they were throwing away his old dirty play house, it is understandable that kids would be upset to see their stuff go away, I know that from my own personal experience with my kids, when they see things, they want to keep them, even if they no longer play with them. The problem with this scene is not that the boy was upset, it was his explanation of why, he stated he was keeping this playhouse for his kids to play in when he grows up, where did that come from: the obvious answer would be- his parents. He is learning what he is living and if things don’t change he could be on the same path.
His parents Ron and Jennifer, can be proud of the steps they have taken to change the way they were living, teaching by example that change is good and working with a Professional like CPO Geralin Thomas is okay. Bravo to them for their courage to act and to ask for the help they needed!
Bravo to all those who have taken steps to regain control of their life and their space.
Here are some take aways:
- Everyone has ‘STUFF’ in their life and for Hoarders, Stuff is representing the other ‘Stuff’. This is how their ‘Stuff’ showed up.
- Find Your ‘Triggers’ and avoid them when possible.
- Find something to fill the void, the loneliness or the ‘buzz’ you may get from shopping. Take a class, take up a hobby, Volunteer, Whatever will make you feel more fulfilled but not make your house more Full and Filled.
- Have a place for things BEFORE you bring them into your home
Create Posters and place them around your space to remind you: My Family is More Important Than my Stuff! - YOU CANNOT HELP SOMEONE WHO DOES NOT WANT HELP! You cannot go in and throw everything away and expect something to change. It is not about cleaning up a mess, it is about dealing with the underlying issues. And if someone does not want help, refuses to see they have a problem then you cannot really help them.
Tony Robbins would say- You have to get Disturbed, before major change can happens. In this show Ron and Jennifer got ‘disturbed’ when authorities threatened to take their kids away and they finally got the help they needed in order to save their children.
Let’s keep the conversation going..
If you are in a similar situation and are finally ready to get Disturbed there are resources out there to help you.
Here are just a few places to start- and really just taking the steps to start is a huge leap in the journey to Regain control:
National Study Group on Chronic Disorganization
www.CompulsiveHoaring.org
If you have a story you want to share with us about your clutter please feel free to leave a comment or email us at info@organizingconnection.com
Here’s to a Fullfilled Life, Not a full and filled Home!
Kim
WOW!! I am really impressed with our 'righ on it” descripton of hoarding. I never really gave it a serious thought in my life, and I'm now 76, and I suppose I have seen hoarding, probably done some myself, but not to the extent you describe, and not from the perspective I did today for the first time. I know a man who is a hoarder, but I never gave it consideration as possibly being an indicator of a preexisting condition.
He has been alone after a really sadly unsuccessful marriage for about 2 years now. Always having been a colletor of miscellaneous junk made him just a guy who likes junk to me, certainly not an aspect of him that I gave any serious thought to. However, now he has established a relationship with a nice woman about his age, with patience and willinglness to wade through the endless clutter. He has agreed to let her organize in tiny sections of the house. I mean it was OK to make a path between the sink and the stove. She had to establish with him that she has a deep need to have a space without clutter so that she can think. He agreed to that, and he's OK with it. It seems that he never realized, and probably still doesn't fully realize what a disaster his house is, so it's hard for him to give up any space at all to tidiness. Not obcessive tidiness, just a normal room with floor space and room for furniture. She is working through this situation with the perserverence of a St. Bernard in a blizzard. I would really lke to help her, but I know nothing about this condition. He is uptight about tidying up, but willing to see it go forward in increments, like the sink to the stove.
Would it be wiser to seek professional help here, or just plod along as she's doing right now?? Are there any support groups for this type of situation? I realize I cannot do anything to help, so I thought I might seek some advic to pass on.. Got any? He's a nice guy, and she's a very patient gal. Thanks.
WOW!! I am really impressed with our 'righ on it” descripton of hoarding. I never really gave it a serious thought in my life, and I'm now 76, and I suppose I have seen hoarding, probably done some myself, but not to the extent you describe, and not from the perspective I did today for the first time. I know a man who is a hoarder, but I never gave it consideration as possibly being an indicator of a preexisting condition.
He has been alone after a really sadly unsuccessful marriage for about 2 years now. Always having been a colletor of miscellaneous junk made him just a guy who likes junk to me, certainly not an aspect of him that I gave any serious thought to. However, now he has established a relationship with a nice woman about his age, with patience and willinglness to wade through the endless clutter. He has agreed to let her organize in tiny sections of the house. I mean it was OK to make a path between the sink and the stove. She had to establish with him that she has a deep need to have a space without clutter so that she can think. He agreed to that, and he's OK with it. It seems that he never realized, and probably still doesn't fully realize what a disaster his house is, so it's hard for him to give up any space at all to tidiness. Not obcessive tidiness, just a normal room with floor space and room for furniture. She is working through this situation with the perserverence of a St. Bernard in a blizzard. I would really lke to help her, but I know nothing about this condition. He is uptight about tidying up, but willing to see it go forward in increments, like the sink to the stove.
Would it be wiser to seek professional help here, or just plod along as she's doing right now?? Are there any support groups for this type of situation? I realize I cannot do anything to help, so I thought I might seek some advic to pass on.. Got any? He's a nice guy, and she's a very patient gal. Thanks.